The Eight Words We All Need to Say Before It’s Too Late

In his 2025 memoir Born Lucky, journalist Leland Vittert shares that out of everything his father ever wrote, one column is remembered more than any other. It carried a striking headline:

“I’d give every asset I have if I could just have him back for one day.”

The column wasn’t about regret—it was about the questions Leland’s father never got to ask his own dad. Questions about how he fell in love with Leland’s grandmother. How he built his career. Why he was so tough, and why he loved so deeply even though he rarely showed it.

The column ended with a line that hits you right in the heart:

“I know those twenty-four priceless hours would be worth it, if at our goodbye he said, ‘I like the way you turned out, son.’”

Think about that.

A grown man would have traded every single asset he owned for eight simple words from his father.

It makes you wonder:

What words are our children, partners, siblings, or friends waiting to hear from us?

And why do so many of us struggle to say them?

Here are some reasons—very human ones:

• We assume the people we love already know how we feel.

• We worry about sounding awkward or overly emotional.

• We didn’t grow up in families where feelings were spoken aloud.

• We save praise for big accomplishments instead of daily moments.

• We fear sounding condescending—especially with adult children.

• We don’t want to create pressure to “keep achieving.”

• We’re busy, distracted, or simply moving too fast.

• Stress or unresolved conflict can drown out pride and love.

• We underestimate how healing those words can be.

• And the big one: we believe we’ll have time later.

Palliative care expert Dr. Ira Byock writes that, at the end of life, four phrases matter more than almost anything else:

“Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you.”

Many years ago, Hallmark cards gave us an easy excuse to express what we felt. At least once a year, we’d choose a message that said the things we struggled to say ourselves. Today, as fewer of us send cards, that opportunity slips quietly away.

But there is another way to make sure nothing important goes unsaid.

Legacy letters.

A legacy letter gives us the space to write what we might never manage to say out loud—words of love, pride, blessing, apology, gratitude. Words our loved ones will carry long after we’re gone.

It doesn’t have to be long or poetic. It just has to be yours.

Because when our final moment arrives, the most important questions won’t be about our résumés, achievements, or possessions.

The real question will be:

Did we tell the people we love what they most needed to hear?